UNITARIAN UNIVERSALIST

                                            CONGREGATION

I found out the other day that apparently we’re allowing

Same-sex couples to get married.  That is outrageous.

Next thing you know blacks and whites will be using the

Same water fountains or Jews will be allowed to own property.

I for one will take to the streets if they even suggest allowing

Women to vote.  There are limits to freedom and if a woman

Voting isn’t one of them, I don’t know what is. 

     -- Ike Awgu, Ottawa Sun Columnist, Canada (2003)

 

And from Coretta Scott King:

 My husband, Martin Luther King Jr., understood that all

Forms of discrimination and persecution were unjust and

Unacceptable for a great democracy.  He believed that none of

Us could be free until all of us were free, that a person of

Conscience had no alternative but to defend the human rights of

All people….  The civil rights movement that I believe in thrives

On unity and inclusion, not division and exclusion.  All of us who

Oppose discrimination and support equal rights should stand

Together to resist every attempt to restrict civil rights in this

Country.¹

             

 //

 

 I had to be about four years old

…the first time.  I remember it so well.

My grandmother, primary school principal;

My grandmother, woman with an expansive lap and

Bosom of comfort; my grandmother woman of many,

Many words,

            Took me with her to her school’s fair.

She knew everyone, this woman.

She knew the girls and boys from the village, decked out

In their Sunday best

She knew all the teachers and parents,

She knew the vendors…all of them…maybe since they too

Were young girls.

            She sat me down on her lap – my grandmother, while

She engaged a long-time friend in conversation.

It so happened that this friend was also selling

Sugar cakes, lime balls, benne balls, all manner of home made

Sweets and treats.

Their conversation carried on…and there I was, on her lap, gripped

With restlessness and hunger.

           

There I was, tugging at her sleeve, but she did not see me, feel me,

Or simply chose not to pay attention to me…

I was hungry, there were sweets and treats…and, I reached up

With my little fingers and helped myself to a lime ball.

She caught me.

It was to be the first and maybe last time, I stole something.

 

//

 

There was the first time that I made a grown-up decision.

It was a Sunday afternoon.

            Everyone, except my mother, was napping – this was

Customary for us.

I wanted to ride my tricycle.  I did not want to nap.

My grandmother’s house stood up, off the ground. There was open

Space underneath the house, where my mother washed everyone’s

Clothes by hand – rubbing the dirtier pieces against the scrubbing board

Vigorously…laying the pre-rinsed white pieces of clothing out in the

Sun – this helped them stay white, she said.

 

I was not about to interrupt her to ask her to help me get

my tricycle from the veranda down the concrete steps into the unpaved yard.

 

This was a task I could manage by myself…I thought

So…there I was, with my teal and white tricycle.

One step.

            Two steps

                        Three steps…

This was taking a long time…I was an Evil Kinevil fan…

Remember him?  So, I decided it would be easier

To sit on the tricycle and ride it all the way down

To the bottom of the steps and into the yard.

 

I still have the scar and today, I lift my bicycle

Up and down stairs…never riding down…but lifting…

 

Well, enough about me…and my firsts…because there are so

Many of them really,

            First time I cut my hair, first kiss, first day of military

Basic training, first visit to the dentist, first time I ran away

From home – it’s funny how long and lonely 10 minutes could be…

First pay check, first…

            Oh, there’s another really good “first” story I have to tell

Before I stop talking about my firsts.

 

//

 

That first time, after I publicly declared my intent

To go to seminary,

            That I was invited to officiate at a wedding!
I was excited and nervous and excited!
I said yes…wedding day came.  Many from the congregation

Attended…

            I wore a two piece gray suit – the couple –  they were lovely.

We’d all known each other for a few years.

They’d gone through so much together. 

They were raising a son…a rambunctious kid who,

Shortly after birth, had to have heart surgery…he was, is

A miracle baby.

            The three of them stood before me, stood before the congregation,

Before God…

And shared their love, invited us to be a part of their love…

This was my first wedding! In my home U.U. congregation;

I was officiating my first wedding ever!

 

 

How wonderful…and joyous…and awesome…and they are still

Married today…

            Well, actually, according to Federal and State law…they

Are in fact…not married.

My first time officiating at a wedding.  Both women so in love

Willing and able to be parents to this young boy,

Willing and able to create with each other, a home, a life…

And while they are able to have a public, religious ceremony – say “I DO”

Nothing in our laws in this state or in the state they were

Married offers them the same or even comparable civil rights

as a heterosexual married couple.

My first wedding….

           

//

 

This makes me think about yet another first.

            The first time I got married.

It’s funny when I think about today…

When I think about the notion that you hear so often:

The institution of marriage has been sacred, perfect, pristine, holy,

Ordained by God – just as it is, between one man and one woman

For about 5000 years.

 

If my then spouse and I got married say in the time of Abraham and Sarah

In the Hebrew Bible – it would have been acceptable that he

Have other wives, and oh, it may have been that like Abraham and

Sarah – we would have been related…like, directly related…as in

Siblings…off-spring of the same father.

 

If he and I got married in 560 b.c.e. it’s likely

That I would have been no older than 13…

Expected to bear lots of progeny

 

If he and I got married in times of ancient and medieval Europe

I would have been considered his property.

Our marriage would have been arranged by our parents – based not

On mutual love, but on the acquisition of property,

The continuation of lineage, inheritance…

Our marriage would have been based on labor and economics.

 

  

If we got married back in say 1950 – in the state of Alabama,

Our marriage would have been illegal.

It would be lawful for us to be arrested in our own home…

Because in 1863 Alabama (was one of 41 states to)

pass a law forbidding marriage between members of different races,

[a law] later enshrined in the state’s constitution and

only removed in the year 2000

(with 40 percent of voters still voting to keep it in).²

 

40 percent of the voters in Alabama still believed that it is

Somehow wrong for people of different races to marry each

Other, and this was in the year 2000!  Imagine what life would have been

like had he and I lived in Alabama – life in Cheyenne, Wyoming

was difficult enough.

 

 

But, and, as it is – we got married in 1994, two years before the

Defense of Marriage Act…

            We got married, two desperately young people with no

Sense of who we were in the world.

One of us awash with anger – anger whose only outlet was

Verbal and physical aggression.

 

And there we stood, before the clerk…with our deer in the

Head lights faces, and signed something that allowed us to

Enter into the “sanctity of marriage”

 

Within seven months, we were divorced.

            If we were of the Middles Ages, this would not

Have been permitted, regardless of the fact that he

Lacked the ability to work with his anger, his temper.

 

So – we, young, clueless – married and divorced, in the span

Of seven months

            How did we do – upholding the sanctity of marriage?

If that means intimacy, sacredness, spiritual connection, mutuality,

Support, responsible to…then, we certainly worked to undermine it.

And, we counted ourselves among the many heterosexuals for

Whom the sanctity of marriage is said to be made.

 

//

 

  My firsts don’t end there by any means…

            Nor does the debate on marriage –

A quick glance at the history of marriage tells us that

It has changed over the course of time, shifting according to the

Needs of the culture

It is not, nor has it ever been an institution with a solid,

Unchangeable and unchanging definition.

 

Referendum I ~ which will come before us on the November

Ballot, does not seek to alter the definition of

Marriage.

            It is, in fact, not marriage.  It is domestic partnership.

It seeks to create a binding, legal contract for committed couples.

Which does have its benefits.  It will allow many couples in same-sex

Relationships to gain access to the benefits offered by the state to consenting

Adults in committed relationships.

But, and, it is important to keep in mind that, it is not marriage.

 

In the same way that it is important to keep in mind that

Amendment 43 asks that we write discrimination into the

State’s constitution by limiting marriage to a union between

One man and one woman. 

 

Say no to that – it is discriminatory…and unjust.

 

Amendment 43 asks us to ensure that the bond of marriage with its tangible

And intangible benefits, be reserved for heterosexuals only.

It asks that we – who are so concerned as a community, a nation,

About families, children and commitment –

reserve protection, legal and social benefits for only those

who are in heterosexual arrangements.

 

Amendment 43 asks that we simply ignore the history of civil rights embedded in

The history of marriage:

            The movement from women as property…to women as people

Who retained the rights to own property, keep our names, file

Law suits, get divorced, we now have the right not to be abused upon

Getting married…it wasn’t always that way….

 

The movement from the denigration of interracial marriages…

To realizing that interracial couples can procreate, that interracial

couples do not degrade the sanctity of marriage, that to be other than

White does not mean that one is physically and mentally inferior, as

Has been argued, and is unworthy of basic civil rights.

 

 

And this is another issue of basic civil rights.

Referendum I – is a step in the right direction

And the work has to continue – we cannot stop here.

We cannot stop here because it is not marriage - this is a first step.

 

It is a first step toward equality

            A first step toward justice

A first step toward ensuring that same-sex couples

Receive at least some benefits that are offered by the

State of Colorado.

 

 

It is important to remember

            Important to keep in mind that it lacks at least

One basic and significant civil right:

            Portability.

It’s a contract and other states are not required to

Recognize couples who register in Colorado.

 

The more than 1,100 rights guaranteed to heterosexual

Married couples by federal law will remain

Unavailable to same-sex couples.

            It is a step – a first step…and we must be willing to take it.

 

We must be willing to make known that to deny the right of

Hospital visitation

            The benefits of co-parenting

Housing benefits

            Immigration benefits

Inheritance

Funeral arrangements

To name a few – is wrong.

 

//

 

Invite your friends and community to the NUUC forum on

October 8^th – so they too may learn about Referendum I

 

Make a public statement in the community, so that Loveland

Knows that there are people in this town who care, who believe

In justice for everyone

 

  

Talk with people you know, tell them what it means to vote against

Amendment 43 and to vote in favor of Referendum I

 

Write a letter to the editor…speak up and out, educate those

In your midst.

 

If the state truly has an interest in the preservation of

family,

            In honoring commitment and the choice

Some couples make to be responsible to each other

Then this first step must be taken.

 

We are on a journey and this issue is this country’s civil rights

Awakening for this era.

            We can not sit idly by while some are excluded from

The table.

            We can not sit idly by while some are not able to live

Freely

            We can not sit idly by and allow others to write

Discrimination into the state’s constitution

            We will live true to our covenant to affirm and promote

The Inherent Worth and Dignity of Every Person.

That is what we are about.

            And we must strive toward…by our votes, by our voices,

ensuring that couples – consenting adults in committed relationships

 – receive the benefits and protections

Afforded by this state…regardless of orientation.

 

That, will be a first, for this state,

May we work to make it so.