SERMON

October 7, 2007

"Through the Fire

or

How Long Can I Be Afraid"

by

        Rev. Alicia Roxanne Forde

A Journey

Nikki Giovanni

It’s a journey…that I propose…I am not the guide…nor technical assistant…I will be your fellow passenger…

Though the rail has been ridden…winter clouds cover…autumn’s exuberant quilt…we must provide our own guideposts…

I have heard…from previous visitors…the road washes out sometimes…and passengers are compelled…to continue groping…or turn back…I am not afraid…

I am not afraid…of rough spots…or lonely times…I don’t fear…the success of this endeavor…I am Ra…in a space…not to be discovered…but invented…

I promise you nothing…I accept your promise…of the same / we are simply riding…a wave…that may carry…or crash…

It’s a journey…and I want…to go…

What a sweet delight and pleasure it is to wake up in to this day

To have breath…

            To have breath…

To share in worship with you – all of you who come with

Glad hearts, with full hearts…holy hearts

            With aches, with pain

You come here, in to this place…this community

What is community for, if not to hold us when we need to be held?

Love us when we are unable to love ourselves?

Cry and mourn with us in those moments when life breaks us open

Laugh with us…struggle with us…comfort…

            And being in community is also good for challenging us…

Launching us in to growth and growing, deepening and expanding…

What is community for, if not to lift us up when we fall…

What is community for, if not to point us back to best ourselves, and

To that which lies beyond ourselves

            Community can be like a light…it’s a light that shows us

Who we are, what’s important to us, why we gather…

Here we are – welcome…

//

I want to share with you that I get a little insecure, a little afraid of

Talking with you about issues of justice,

            I get a little concerned…self-conscious – you may not know this about me.

But in community, in healthy, in strong community there is a place

For vulnerability.  There is a place for risking authenticity.

It is only in risking do we learn who we truly are…

            So, I do…I do get a little self-conscious // afraid…but maybe

I will risk today, and I will ask you to risk with me.

‘Cause community can be about challenge right?  

            About growing…and there is little growth without risk.

//

Now, this new space we’re in, this church home, this sanctuary

It’s beautiful, it’s comfortable…and I tell you, it gets lonely up here

I’m up here, and you’re out there…and there is this space between us

There is this space, this divide…and once in a while, I need some feedback,

I need some sense that we are in dialogue

            That this sermon moment isn’t a monologue, it’s a dialogue…that you

Get what I’m saying…you’re receiving, you’re moving along with the flow.

There’re many ways to do this:

            For the silent types: a head nod, a smile, a wave of the hand

            For the more verbal types: amen, um-huh, yes, whatever your word of affirmation, just say it, let me know you’re with me…and if you disagree with the sermon, see me after the service and we’ll dialogue then – right?

//

In times of loneliness, in times of vulnerability, it’s good to have

Company – yes?

It feels good to know you’re on the path, though it may be rocky, you are not alone

            Good to know you have companions on the journey

Good to know that even if you’re afraid, someone is there urging you on saying:
keep going, amen, yes…

So it is, I am with you today, this day…feeling a little afraid…you’ll keep me going…

            In the newsletter, it says I’m preaching Through the Fire (prophetic words) on queerness and anti-oppression –

Maybe it is I talk about those issues a lot

            Maybe it is that I ought to cut back…try on some new topics and

Themes, and given my own journey of belonging and identity, they won’t leave

Me alone

            Given my occupation at the intersection of various identities:

I find it important to talk about anti-oppression.

I find it important to keep dialogue and education going about racial, gender, orientation and economic justice, for they are woven together and

Shape and impact many of our lives in here in the United States.

(just watch the news…)

//

The title of this sermon comes from a song I knew in childhood

            One of those love songs…I used to listen to a lot

Back in the day, before I came out, before I shared with my family that

I identify as lesbian…I had, you know, secrets.

Things I kept to myself, not quite knowing what to do with them

And the crush I had on the singer of the song Through the Fire was one of those secrets

Chaka Khan with her incredibly powerful voice

            Would reach notes that I didn’t dare dream of reaching

She would sing:

Through the fire / to the limit / to the wall / for a chance to be with you

I’d gladly risk it all

Through the fire / through whatever / come what may / for a chance of loving you

I’d take it all away

Right down to the wire / even through the fire

And just so you know where I was emotionally, back then, I just knew

Chaka Khan was singing to me (okay?)

            I just knew she meant…//…’cause you know how it is, when you’re

Young and you have a crush on someone, or on a famous person?

You remember right?

You know how it is…it’s all about you – everything they do, say, sing…

It’s just for you.  Right? 

You may have written about it in your dairy:

            Dear Diary

                        Today, I saw (insert crush’s name here / help me out) on TV.  What a dream boat.

You may have called your friends and talked for hours and hours

About this hunk or that babe… //

But Chaka Khan was my secret.

            I couldn’t call anybody.

            I couldn’t tell anybody

And I was a suspicious kid, never sure if my sister would read my journal

So, I never wrote anything down.

Besides, my biology text book said: it’s a phase…this feeling I was having…

All around me were images of boys and girls, men and woman pairing up

And just so I don’t misrepresent history, I dated, had boyfriends and whatnot

But no safe space to talk about these other feelings

            No images that led me to believe that what I felt was in any way normal,

Acceptable…I still remember – at 20, reading my first Gay/Lesbian magazine

And hiding it under my bed, taking it out late at night to read the articles of

These people who said they felt like I did…

I lived and still live in a world that insists on my anonymity, invisibility.

Insists that I put on a thick cloak that hides who I am:

            A queer black woman from Tobago.

//

Through the fire…sang Chaka Khan

Through the fire

            Fire: our chalice flame…

Fire that bold light of our community

Fire that oxidation process that releases heat…light…

Can provide safety and survival,

Can be warm…rewarding, imagine how the first peoples felt

Happening upon fire…probably terrified at its intensity before they learned of its benefits

(I’m just saying…fire can be terrifying, it…)

Can be uncomfortable – that flame uncontrolled, fueled by rage and hunger

Burning without regard.

Through the fire.

//

I want to tell you a story

            I was at class last week – Abnormal Psychology

It’s a four hour class session, with three breaks and right outside

The class room is a coffee cart, they sell (yes) coffee, sandwiches, and

My personal favorite: pumpkin bread with these massive chunks of

Dark chocolate baked right in to it…it is so good.

My friend Mark – he’s in the class with me, we both went to the small

Refrigerator together, got egg salad sandwiches,

He was in line ahead of me…we were talking to each other…and

The cashier says to Mark: would you like a bag of chips? It’s free.

Mark says no…the cashier says – really? They’re free; are you sure you

Don’t want them?

            Eventually, Mark agrees, takes the chips…I move forward to pay

Not invested in getting free chips, but happy to take them – I mean free chips!

I’m all excited, practicing my: Yes I would love a free bag of chips

And the cashier says to me: that will be $4.50 please. I hesitated, where was my offer of free chips?

I handed him some money…sort of waiting, but feeling silly.

“I didn’t really want the chips…but, it would’ve been nice if he’d offered them to me” is what I found myself thinking. 

            Where was my bag of free chips?

This incident got me to thinking again about

race, gender, orientation, and economic justice.

What would happen if within a society it was decided that

People who looked a certain way, or who fit certain criteria more often than not – maybe

People who looked like Mark: handsome, slender, tall, brownish hair, and Euro-American

Received free stuff, unearned stuff or let’s call that unearned stuff: (not chips but) privileges

And people who looked differently, or who didn’t fit that society’s criteria for what

It means to be “normal” (people who didn’t look like Mark) didn’t receive equal treatment, or privileges

Didn’t even know about those privileges or how to gain access to them

Had to pay for something that’s free or work twice as hard to receive the same

Treatment that (Mark look-alikes got) others got without doing anything extra special?

What would happen? //

            What would happen if people who looked differently, or who didn’t fit society’s

Criteria for what it means to be “normal” got punished more severely, or even punished for being angry at unfair treatment?

What would happen if in a State like Colorado, short people were less likely to

Be hired for leadership positions than tall people?

Or blue eyed people were more likely to be incarcerated than brown eyed

people?  

…in Colorado, people who identify as or who appear to be African American are almost 7 times as likely to be incarcerated than Euro-Americans, and Hispanics are twice as likely to be incarcerated, even though both of these groups form a small minority of Colorado’s population. 

This has detrimental repercussions for families,

personal income, communal stability and identity…and quality of life in general.¹

            In the United States, there are words we use for this…we call it

Racism, Sexism, Heterosexism…we call it class-ism…oppression.

But what I am describing is the flip side.

            What I am telling you about, in sharing these snippets, these stories, is the structure that allows for racism, sexism, heterosexism, classism – oppression to exist.

It’s called Privilege.  Privilege and power as they relate to difference.

Privilege is hard to talk about,

            It’s hard for me to talk about…it hard for me to talk about with you.

I find myself weighing my words, afraid of being seen as telling you what to do

How to be,

            As one of the few people of color in our midst

            As one of the few queer people in our midst

I am sometimes afraid of being seen as pushing an agenda

Making us the gay church

            Making us the church that talks about race all the time

But (I ask myself) how long can I be afraid?

            At some point, shouldn’t I be brave and do the thing

I am afraid of doing anyway? 

This is what we do in authentic community

We make ourselves vulnerable

We risk

            We trust that through dialogue we will at least come to know each

Other,

            We trust that through dialogue, education, and reflection we will at

Least come to know ourselves better

            We trust that even if it’s challenging, we’re growing, we’re deepening,

We’re expanding…we are learning how to be informed allies

We don’t have the privilege of not talking

            We don’t have the privilege of not delving in to our selves and understanding

How we too shape and sustain systems of privilege and power as they relate to difference

We don’t have the privilege of not journeying through the fire.

For we all live with the consequences of socially and politically constructed privilege.

//

It is up to all of us, then, to begin to grapple with it

            It is up to each of us to do what we can to dismantle systems of

Privilege

But first we have to know what they are…how we benefit from them, and

Each of us must ask ourselves: what am I willing to let go of in order to realize

The dream of authentic community

            The dream of multicultural community

And let me tell you multicultural community is not easy.

Multicultural community says: come, here you are respected

And yes, here you are challenged to be your best self…and sometimes that challenge is

Uncomfortable

Sometimes the sacrifice is a bit much…

            Sometimes that fire is terrifying

And, if you are willing to be a light…a guidepost on the journey

There are more times when that the fire is full of warmth, light, life…and sustenance.

//

What is community for, if not to point us back to best ourselves, and

To that which lies beyond ourselves

            Community is like a light…it’s a light that shows us

Who we are, what’s important to us, why we gather…

Nikki Giovanni in the opening reading says:

It’s a journey…that I propose…I am not the guide…I will be your fellow passenger…

Though the rail has been ridden…winter clouds cover…autumn’s exuberant quilt…we must provide our own guideposts…

I have heard…from previous visitors…the road washes out sometimes…and passengers are compelled…to continue groping…or turn back…I am not afraid…

I am not afraid…of rough spots…or lonely times…I don’t fear…the success of this endeavor…

It’s a journey…and I want…to go…

It’s a journey…and I want…to go…through the fire of dialogue, education, and reflection with you.

It’s a journey of examining our privilege on the way to creating a community

That is expansive,

            It’s a journey of growing allies on the road to seeking racial, gender, orientation,

And economic justice; allies are not born

But made through self-reflection and coming face to face with the messages that molded us.

There will be rough spots and lonely times

            But we will dialogue across the divide, saying to each other:

Keep going…yes…I am trying to understand where you’re coming from,

Ushering each other along with the love that we’re known for

            Willing to risk showing up and sometimes sit in the discomfort of

Not knowing…

It’s a journey…I want us to go through the fire

To the limit…to the wall

For a chance at creating a loving sanctuary for people who are regularly

Marginalized by the wider society

There is good news

//

There is good news,

            And it is that there are so many of us

And we all have stories

We all have holy & loving hearts

We all have a desire realize just and authentic community

We all want this chalice flame to BE about something that is bigger

Than we are individually and collectively

We all want that when we walk through these doors,

When we hear stories told about who we are

            That those stories tell of how we worked to transform the world

(amen – am I the only one who wants that? don’t we want that?)

And that we did it by risking transforming ourselves

That we did by critically examining how we have been shaped by and participate in

the political and social systems of our wider culture

We did it by understanding our various identities, renaming, reclaiming, celebrating,

And learning about each other

We did it by being unafraid, by offering a hand to those – like myself – who

May be afraid but willing…

We did it by taking one more small step

            Making one more sacrifice…delving in to dialogue

Committing to a reflective and action oriented curriculum/process like

Building the World We Dream About,

Like the Welcoming Congregation…

            Sure these programs are intense

And yes they require much of us

And they will release heat…and light…isn’t that the very nature of fire?

Isn’t that the very nature of transformation?

Isn’t that the very nature of good news?